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How has autism impacted relationships between siblings?

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How has autism impacted relationships between siblings? What has been your experience? As a parent what is the nature of your childrens’ relationship?
  1. christine
    January 24, 2011 at 11:04 am

    My oldest daughter is VERY good with my youngest who has high functioning autism. She sleeps in bed with her every night and she shares everything with her. She’s a great Little Mommy!!!!

  2. Lisa Fisher
    January 24, 2011 at 11:09 am

    Great topic. I have 2 brothers with autism, I have 1 son with autism. Watching my boys growing up together I found that I could understand what it was like to be a sibling of an autistic brother. Embarrassment, shame, anger, confusion, jealousy, so many emotions over the years to understanding.

  3. January 24, 2011 at 11:10 am

    I have 3 children (3, 7, 10). My youngest has autism. The relationship that he has with his older, typically developing brother and sister runs across a spectrum, much like autism itself. However, most days they fall into a caretaker role. Though they are young, they are very versed in caring for and interacting with their younger brother. I sometimes catch myself observing them interact with him, and I exude with pride. They are naturals. They speak to him in a manner that is very direct, very deliberate so that he can understand. They are sure to lean into his field of vision and gently touch him to cue him in to the fact that they are indeed talking to him. Total naturals, and usually very patient, and understanding. They include him in what they are doing and intentionally model play, whilst describing the game to him. At other times, they also very much have the typical sibling relationship. They argue and fight and tattle. They hug and kiss and laugh. It is a very special relationship. There are sometimes when it is strained and there is a struggle for my attention or the attention of my husband, but overall I wouldn’t change a thing about their relationship. Yes, attention is not shared equally, but my children are so understanding and compassionate that they understand that their younger brother requires different attention. I attribute the general health of their relationship to the fact that we are very open with all of them about the state of our family and the need for unity. We are on this ride together for better or for worse and we all share in the responsibility. I know that as my kids grow and change, that this relationship may shift a bit, but I have faith in my kids and in the fact that they will one day be their brother’s greatest advocates, and that one day, he in turn will reciprocate in ways yet unseen and perhaps unimagined.

    • Beth Anne
      January 25, 2011 at 12:28 am

      We have three children (5, 3 1/2 and 1) and our middle son is autistic. I was touched by your post. Perfectly stated!

    • christine
      January 26, 2011 at 12:59 pm

      Very well said and very true of siblings with autistic kids. I love watching them interact with their sibling too. Makes me very proud.

    • Kim Dodd
      January 26, 2011 at 1:54 pm

      Thx for sharing your perspective. I have 3 kids (4, 7, 10) and my youngest is on the spectrum…I so often struggle with how I give my youngest more attention than the others. Not out of want as much out of need. Your post is inspiring to me :)

  4. Mary Macias-Cox
    January 24, 2011 at 11:45 am

    Autism has enhanced the relationship of my children. Our son Diego on the Autism Spectrum, as a result his sister age 14 and brother age 10 have had to learn how to become
    more tolerant, understanding and accomodating with their brother. They handle Diego and his outbursts, quirky behaviors and fears with ALOT of love and patience. This has helped Diego become more confident and less confrontational. There are still times when sibling rivalry exists but those times are welcome because they are just treating each other like most siblings do.

    The time we have taken to learn how to live with Autism and how to be better parents to our son has helped us role model how handle situations that arise as a result of the Autism.

    As a family we have simply grown to be kinder, more patient and understanding of each other and others. We also made our other two children realize that just because we have to be more accomodating with Diego does not mean our love for them is any less.

  5. Robin
    January 24, 2011 at 12:02 pm

    I have twin 14 year old Autistic boys and a four year old. My twins take up so much of my time and really change the way the house functions. I often worry about the effect it is going to have on my little guy. At first, he didn’t realize his brothers were “different” but he is slowly becoming more aware. He asks why they don’t talk, have friends, or play with toys “correctly”. At times, I see him try to “teach” them… most of the time how to talk. I try to explain to him that they cannot talk like him. He fights with one of his brothers non-stop over toys since they like the same things. He once told me: “I don’t like Anthony very much, but I love him because he is my brother.” There are so many things we cannot do because of their autism. I try my best to give him one on one time and do things with him but he definitely has to deal with the impact of autism as much as I do. I pray that it makes him a more understanding, compassionate and loving adult and that he is not bitter about the things he is forced to miss.

    • HIRH
      January 24, 2011 at 12:26 pm

      IMHO I wouldn’t interrupt the “teaching” sessions. It will benefit all of them to work it out on their own. I have two typical developing girls and the older one says the exact same thing about her younger sister. ;) One:One time is important for all children typical and autistic alike.

  6. Bill Exeter
    January 24, 2011 at 12:03 pm

    I have 2 girls 13 and 7 and a 10 year boy with autism. His sisters are great with him most of the time. He can get very aggressive and at times he will lash out and hit his sisters, especially toward his younger sister. The girls treat their brother well, and are great caring for him.

    What concerns us as parents is the effect our son’s aggressive behavior is having on the girls self esteem. Our youngest daughter has recently started exhibiting signs of anxiety to the point she struggles to go to school, church, and her dance lessons.
    We as parents also worry if we give our daughters enough quality and steady attention. Will they have strong enough relationships with each other and with their brother to be close and care for each other when we are gone?

    • HIRH
      January 24, 2011 at 12:24 pm

      From both working in the field and having a brother on the spectrum I can tell you that often times aggression can spike once they hit puberty. Being sure to stick to a behavioral plan with immediate consistent consequences for violence can help immensely! My brother still has his moments but it’s much better than it would be if we didn’t provide immediate consequences such as losing computer time (his most prized possession).

      • Linda
        January 27, 2011 at 9:59 am

        Finally someone that talks about the struggles and the truth about how ugly it can get having a child with any form of Autism. I still don’t understand where my son falls all I do understand is that he is high functioning, most people would just say he is spoiled, or rude if only that was the case. We have been in therapy ever since school got hard for him starting in the fourth grade until today in the tenth grade it has been very hard, the fights, the arguments, the screaming, the selfishness, crying, feeling different, everyone in the family has been affected. I am thankful for our therapy, and the Lord. I pray for his ability to understand and work through these difficult stages, and I agree it’s being consistent and providing immediate consequences get them where it hurts, I always think, this world of ours is not ready for our children, it is sad that they have to adjust to our world, it should be the other way, have no worries about what others think, say or do. Their souls are so innocent, they speak their mind, their thinking process is so free but we do need a little guidance and they need it the most. to end this on a happy note” the other day my son 16 asked his 19 yr old sister to straighten his hair, it was an emotional thing to see, after so much bad in the past, he reached out it looked so sweet, they want to be loved and understood, it takes lots and lots of patience and we need therapy all of us, I have never joined a group found it difficult, but therapy always for almost 6 years, it helps my family is talking not screaming, my son has friends he spends some sleep overs and hangs out at McDonald’s, of course we are not perfect but we are trying. I do believe we need to have some source of support for me it is my faith in the Lord. It may not have been a group therapy but in a way it was my church family is wonderful and very understanding for them I a grateful. It does get better, it does.

  7. HIRH
    January 24, 2011 at 12:14 pm

    As the older sister of a brother with high functioning Aspergers I have found myself drawn to working in the field of MH and specifically enjoy working with those on the Spectrum. My husband also ranks very high on the AQ and there was some concern that our children would be on the spectrum but they don’t appear to be. My brother and I have been close from the beginning even though we are 11 years apart in age. He and I still have a close relationship and as my children grow older they too are becoming close with him. We celebrate his quirks and support him in his learning about relationships and other social aspects to life. As a child I was a little jealous of the relationship between his BHRS staff and him. I felt replaced. I also have a typical development older brother and I think my relationship with my younger brother is closer than that of my older brother.

    • January 26, 2011 at 2:39 pm

      I have a younger brother with autism and our age difference is 11 years, too. Though now he is only 4 and I’ve just turned 16 couple of days ago. What is more, I’d like to work with autistic people in my future so I’m going to enter medical university this year. I’d just like to say that your story is very insparational for me and I hope that my life will be very similar to yours one, especially in relationships with my brother. Thank you!

  8. Lisa
    January 24, 2011 at 12:31 pm

    It has made life very challenging. I have a 16 year old who thinks I show favortism to my youngest. I can’t deny handling him differently than her — he has Asperger’s. I wish I could get her to comprehend that there are things he does that he can’t help.

    • Monique
      January 24, 2011 at 9:32 pm

      Lisa, I hear exactly what you are saying. I have a son who is 13 that has Asperger’s. My middle son is 9 and spends more energy on keeping tabs of how much more work he has to do or how much less discipline I give his older brother. He doesn’t get that there are differences and that really there is not more work that he does, just different things and there is just different ways of disciplining between the two. They definately have a love/hate relationship…and tonight it’s more of the hate! Thankfully my youngest son, who is 4, hasn’t started this. He just gets annoyed with his oldest brother at times.

  9. Ann Powell
    January 24, 2011 at 12:50 pm

    My little brother has Autism, he is getting ready to turn 14. I was a senior in high school when he was born, it was one of the best days of my life :) I was soooo excited to get another sibling (I had waited 17yrs)!!!! We are very close and have a special relationship. I feel it is mostly because I still lived at home, I helped take care of him all the time (I wanted too) babysat a lot, etc. He is the best thing that has happened to my family. I have an older brother who is 3 yrs. older than me, and his relationship is totally different w/ our younger brother. I can only assume that it’s because he was out of the house and on his own, w/ a baby on the way, also! (My little brother and niece are exactly 3 wks. apart)!!! It was sooo much fun watching them grow up together!!! But at the same time heartbreaking, seeing what all my niece does everyday, and my brother cant do most of what she does :( I am just having a hard time understanding why my older brother doesnt want to have a “close” relationship w/ him or try to help out… Does anyone have a similar situation, or have any advice for us????

    • Loreen
      March 10, 2011 at 5:46 pm

      At least you have one normal sibling.I only have my severely autistic brother and that is it.I am never going to get to be an aunt.

      • Sam
        April 6, 2011 at 10:10 pm

        We should talk. I do not know anyone else with a sibling that has Autism. My younger brother and I are 2 years apart, and I know how you feel. I do have another younger brother, but we are 19 years apart. Not that that makes a difference to me, but it is different than if I were to have an older “normal” sibling.

  10. DLH
    January 24, 2011 at 1:11 pm

    I wouldn’t have my brother be any other way, and growing up with him has permanently instilled a fiercely protective streak in my personality. In my adulthood I have more understanding and sympathy for people dealing with disorders on the spectrum or any MH issues. However, growing up with a brother with autism has made me completely intolerant of the “normal” people in my family. I get easily fed up with my sister (with the Ivy League education) for having a dead end job and no ambition to do anything better, when she has all the opportunity in the world to do whatever she wants. She seems happy with her life, but I don’t understand why she wouldn’t want to achieve more. We’ve already lost our mother. My sister was in college then, and (at 26) I had a career and a home, so I didn’t mind taking care of my brother. It was an honor. It would be nice to eventually have someone who I trust sharing that responsibility with, and I don’t feel like I will ever have that with her. Maybe it’s just me being an overbearing big sister, but I worry what will happen to him if anything happens to ME.

    • harry
      January 26, 2011 at 12:49 pm

      Great Answer!

    • January 26, 2011 at 2:44 pm

      what you’re doing is so great…
      I just want to wish you and your brother some god luck and I hope your relationships with sister will improve one day…

  11. Jamie
    January 24, 2011 at 1:58 pm

    we have 4 kids the 2nd oldest is high functioning the rest are all typical. She has definitely had an impact on the other kids. Her sister, who is 2 years younger than her, has always taken on the role of big sister. The youngest has picked up some of my daughter’s bad reactions, such as throwing things when mad. My ASD daughter also has some jealousy issues, especially with the younger siblings. Even if I buy identical things for her and her sister she feels slighted. I wish I could help her work through those feelings. I’m hoping that they all grow closer as they get older, but I know they all are individuals and will click with different people. My kids are currently 19,15, 13 and 9. One thing we all celebrate is the growth she makes every year.

  12. Tonya
    January 24, 2011 at 2:02 pm

    My 7 year old, Cannon, was diagnosed with ASD about 3 years ago. He is the middle of 4 children, and is the only one in the family with ASD. When he was little, he didn’t have to use his words because all he had to do was scream, and the older 2 kids would run to his beck and call. That is part of the reason that we were not exactly certain that something wasn’t right. My 10 year old daughter is generally really good with him, especially at school. My oldest son doesn’t generally have much to do with him, except to try and rile him up on occasion. My youngest son follows Cannon around religiously. Last year was really difficult because it was the first time in which the younger two boys did not attend the same “school”. Whenever my youngest son is upset or hurt, Cannon is usually right there to check on him, even though many times he is the reason for the hurt. Cannon has the tendency to lash out when he is in full meltdown mode, and doesn’t realize what is going on until after the meltdown ceases. The 2 younger boys have slept in the same bed ever since the youngest grew out of the crib, and this was not planned for them to do. We actually went and got them really nice matching “big boy” beds, only to have the youngest ditch his bed to sleep with Cannon or on the floor next to Cannon’s bed if he couldn’t get into the bed with him. For the most part, my kids do what’s right when it comes to Cannon. There have been times when they have been resentful, mostly because we couldn’t eat at a restaurant or do an activity because Cannon couldn’t handle it. However, they all band together to protect Cannon, even going so far as my 10 year old daughter beating up a 9th grade boy because he called Cannon the dreaded R-word. The youngest has defended Cannon’s stimming in a busy restaurant, telling the patrons who were staring to “Mind they businesses.” My oldest has recently buddied up with a boy who has ASD at the high school he attends and has been learning how to write “Social Stories”, and is writing several for Cannon. They have been some of Cannon’s biggest advocates. While it isn’t all roses and sunshine, all kids are known to grate on each other’s nerves, but my kids really do make the best of the hand we have been dealt.

    • harry
      January 26, 2011 at 1:02 pm

      It sounds like you have a great family!

  13. Chris Bell
    January 24, 2011 at 4:14 pm

    I don’t get along with my older sister at all. I’m 20, and she’s 24. I suck at empathy, and don’t try to hide it. And we both have very different views on life, and neither of us can seem to even talk to each other without getting pissed or annoyed at each others views. And more so her, cause I don’t really notice when I do piss her off. I rarely talk to her, and when I do I keep it brief. She’s a good person, I just can’t understand her.

  14. Jennifer
    January 24, 2011 at 4:17 pm

    My son has mild autism and my young daughter helps alot but tends to want to act like him in many ways. I think she may be picking up on him getting alot more attention because of his autism even though we try to give each person the same amount of attention. She picks up on bad behavior more though, like tantrums he creates, hitting and other things. She is a nurturer and tries to help when he is upset.. she tells him “it is okay” and pats his head. I hope that only good things come in the future of this!

  15. Teri Ashford
    January 24, 2011 at 6:08 pm

    Love to see real data on the effect of autism on spousal relationships and divorce. How many Mom’s feel they do the majority of raising their autistic child? How many Dad’s? what are the statistics of single parents raising an autistic child? Thanks!

  16. Suzanne
    January 24, 2011 at 6:51 pm

    I have 3 girls (13, 10 and 8), the youngest has autism. My oldest is excellent with her sister. My 10 yr old cannot stand the sight of her sister. I struggle to find middle ground between them. I know shes embarrested, and ashamed of her sister. I have tried support groups. This makes her more angry because she does not want to spend any of her time on “autism”. I am not sure if I should try something else, or hope that she will learn to accept her sister.

  17. Karen
    January 24, 2011 at 8:20 pm

    I have three daughters: 7, 4, and 1. The four year old has high-functioning autism. She and she my 7 year old don’t get along most of the time. The one year old loves them both, and of course, is unaware of any differences. My oldest understands why I discipline them differently, but not why she doesn’t get as much time with me on a daily basis. Also, my ASD daughter gets into her sister’s things, which is typical sister behavior, but she attributes it to autism. Overall, with three little ones at home, autism has caused us all a lot of stress and tears, as it does every family. I just wish they could get along better.

  18. Erica
    January 24, 2011 at 9:44 pm

    My 2 1/2 year old son was diagnosed with autism 6 months ago. Jayden also has an older brother who is 7. I just don’t know how to explain to Joshua why Jayden has the meltdowns that he has.

  19. Kimberly
    January 24, 2011 at 11:51 pm

    I have to say, my high-functioning son with PDD-NOS is best friends with his typically-developing little sister. He is almost 8 and she is 5 and it kind of puts them on the same level. They do still fight like normal siblings but they also love to play together and even talk about getting married to each other when they grow up. I always tell them that it is illegal but secretly, I am just happy that they have such a great relationship with each other to even say this. My son was even helping my daughter to correctly learn her abc’s and counting to 20 because she kept messing up. I don’t think it could be any better even if they were both “normal”. I’ll take what I have any day of the week over “normal”. Everybody seems to pity those of us that are affected by Autism, but I think I am pretty lucky. :)

    • Nicole
      January 25, 2011 at 10:33 pm

      I completely agree. My autistic brother is a blessing and I would not change him for anything.

  20. june francis
    January 25, 2011 at 8:33 am

    am interested in hearing from older sibs who are struggling with the role they will be asked to play when parents are gone.Since my son is already in a group home i am asking just to check on him once a month.


    • Sam
      April 6, 2011 at 10:13 pm

      I’d love to talk. I worry about this daily… I have two younger brothers, one being autistic. I do not know what I will do when my parents are gone….

  21. nancy
    January 25, 2011 at 11:14 am

    I have three children, 14, 17 and 20. The 17 yr old is autistic and my 14 yr old has a learning disability. They are very loving and protecting of each other. I have always kept my children informed of everything that I have learned about autism. They were all premies and understand that their and their siblings issues are not their fault, that they were just born that way. My normal 20 year old knows that I will take care of the younger two for as long as I am physically able. This has left her to lead her life as she sees fit without the worry yet of caring for her siblings. There is still a number of years to go before then and her siblings are still learning and growing. So much can change before then. I parent all my children as they individually need with love and understanding and they have responded likewise.

  22. Maria
    January 25, 2011 at 12:24 pm

    This is to Ann Powell, the best way I can describe it-I have 3 children, the oldest being a girl soon to be 20, my middle son is 15 and on the spectrum and my youngest son will be 14 soon. She was the first born and had everyones attention, so when her brother was born that wasn’t the case any longer, not by choice because he needed so much more. Autism came into her world and she didn’t like it or understand why it was happening to her, she was only 4 when her brother was diagnosed with PDD/NOS and being so young she didn’t understand, she was dealing with things she never heard or seen before. She has since come a long way and at times still may struggle with certain things, I commend her for her triumph into the world of Autism and thank her for the patience & understanding she has come to know as part of her world. Our World!
    My yougest son has always had a great relationship with his brother, he was born into this world of Autism. He seems to be more intune with his older brother, more patient, understanding & compassinate. I’m not saying this is the case for all families but it is the case for ours.

  23. jen
    January 25, 2011 at 4:33 pm

    I would be lying if I said every day was a “cake-walk”, but ultimately we are blessed.

    My neuro-typical daughter, McKenna, is 12 yrs old and my autistic son, Cameron, is 9. We received his diagnosis when he was 19 months old, when our daughter was just 4. McKenna has been a huge participant in every step of our journey, from therapies employed to brainstorming on the “whys” behind some of his behaviors (where adults can be such “know-it-alls”, kids have truly amazing insight). When she was only 6, we found her doing ABA with her brother while “playing” in his room! She always includes him in activities, while maintaining respect for when he needs space.

    As McKenna has matured, so has her interest in educating others. She has performed a workshop for her class for the past four years called “the sensory experience”, and is a HUGE advocate for Autism Awareness on her school campus. She is my trusted partner in heading up a disabilities ministry at our church and quite frankly, my best “buddy” for the children we serve! She and I also volunteer once a month with disabled adults. She absolutely treasures her time and in all of these arenas. She decided long ago that she would use autism and its circumstances for good, not let autism use her for negative.

    McKenna loves Cameron so completely. She never questions why, or gets “put out” by his needs. She just loves him with autism just like she loves him with brown hair and green eyes – because they are a part of what makes him Cameron. She has a level of compassion that many kids her age do not have yet. She would rather give than take and I believe that is greatly due to her brother.

    Some days I long for “normal” (ha! whatever!!), but most days I am full of gratitude for who we are because of autism.

  24. January 25, 2011 at 5:07 pm

    I have a younger brother with Autism. We are incredibly close. As an older sibling you feel a sense of responsibility, but when Autism is involved it’s completely different. You feel protective and there is an urge to help your brother succeed. My brother is amazing, he has made me the person I am today -Patient,Aware,Open-Minded, Independent, Strong and Ambitious.

    I actually wrote a short article about my experience with my brother recently and it was published online. :-) Here’s the link if you’d like to read it –

  25. kimberly duray
    January 25, 2011 at 7:40 pm

    My daughter is 15 and has brother with high functioning autism, I am a single mom with no help from there father Joe was a little much for him so I needed to work to support them (no child support) and Gina has been great caregiver for him I appreciate her help so much, she is wonderful with him makes sure he eats and takes his meds she is a blessing.

  26. Nicole
    January 25, 2011 at 10:27 pm

    I am 18 and one of two children. My older brother has Autism. We are best friends and he is truly a blessing. We are very close and aside from his condition he is a typical big brother. Growing up with him has taught me patience and understanding. I admire him very much. He is always so happy regardless of the everyday challenges he faces. If everyone was more like that the world would be better place. Also, I always stick up for my brother in situations in which people respond to his Autism in a negative way. I am very protective of him and he is protective of me as well. I could not have asked for a better brother. He is my very best friend and such a blessing to have in my life.

    • January 26, 2011 at 12:47 pm

      Thank you for giving me hope. My boys are 5 and 3, the oldest on the spectrum. Today has not been a good day, and it encourages me to read your thoughts about your brother.

      • Nicole
        January 26, 2011 at 2:41 pm

        Youre very welcome. When I was younger I didn’t always understand, but starting at a very young age and progressively as I got older I began to appreciate him. I have always been so proud of him whether it is accomplishments he’s made, or even just his attempt at things that Autism prevents him from doing. It’s difficult at a young age, but as your children grow they’ll learn to appreciate one another. The bond I have with my brother is very special and I pray that your children develop it as well.

  27. uju
    January 26, 2011 at 9:54 am

    thank you for putting this up! I have 3 siblings and the youngest has autism( my little sister) and we try to be as understanding with her as we can. She is really close to the oldest two but not as much with the younger though I am thinking that for once that it’s less of the autism and more to the fact of the six years between the youngest and the 3rd. living with her has helped me in my opinion become more tolerent which helped me when i moved onto the university of miami campus this august i still miss her lots though

    • January 26, 2011 at 12:46 pm

      Thank you for your insight. It gives me hope. ; )

  28. Liz
    January 26, 2011 at 12:36 pm

    I have twin six year old girls, one of which has Autism. More recently I find myself feeling as if the typically developing sibling has “only child syndrome”. That is MY take on it. She is incredibly sensitive to all children with special needs because of her sister and is even in a peer modeling program in her school. Recently she has had some struggles, emotionally, in school and has voiced to me that her twin receives more attention and love. I had to point out how many very special things she gets to do with me and with her peers that her sister can not do. It is an everyday challenge and often leaves me feeling guilty for excluding one or the other. I just know what can and can not be tolerated by both of them!

  29. jessica
    January 26, 2011 at 12:37 pm

    I have a 14, twins 10, and a 1 yr old, all boys. My 10 yr old has high functioning autism and tourettes. He has melt downs daily. His twin feel very left out because we spend so much time at therapy and helping him with his emotions. He picks on him alot to cause a reaction. My 1 yr old is picking up on the bad habits. It is very hard to balance time between all of them when one of them takes so much.

  30. Jenny
    January 26, 2011 at 12:41 pm

    I have 3 children, my youngest is 9 and is autistic. She really puts her brothers through the ringer. She has fits and it’s hard for them to “overlook” all her little meltdowns. She bites, kicks and hits us all. They try to tolerate all that they can, but it does put a major stress on us all (esp. the big brothers). We love her dearly, but it does get stressful.

  31. katharine
    January 26, 2011 at 12:42 pm

    It really brings tears to my eyes reading all these posts. I have a high-functioning 5yr old son with PDD-NOS and a daughter who will be 3 in April. My son definitely gets more attention than my daughter, and she is jealous of all the things that my son gets (all his therapies) she always wants to go to them with him. She enjoys playing with her older brother, but they do fight a lot since my son is very rigid and doesn’t like to share much. I try my best with them, but some days are just hard.

  32. Ann
    January 26, 2011 at 12:45 pm

    I have three children. My middle child is high functioning autism. Their ages are 21, 19, 15. My oldest daughter from the beginning would protect my son from others. She watched over him. My youngest son at first did not understand why his brother would not want him to play video games with him. So he ended up destroying a couple games until I found out what he was doing. He felt if he broke the game then his brother would have nothing else to do but play with him. This was when my youngest was about 3 years old. Now they get along very well, yes and they play video games together. When it was time for my middle child to attend high school for the first time, my daughter took him around to his classes so he would feel comfortable. She even stood up to authority to explain why her brother needed her assistance. Even now as they are older they all get along so well. My oldest and youngest still protect and watch over their brother.

  33. January 26, 2011 at 12:46 pm

    This is an interesting question, considering I just pulled my kids apart as the older spectrum child beat on his younger brother. Does that answer the question?

  34. Brandy
    January 26, 2011 at 12:49 pm

    I have 2 boys the first is 7yo and autistic and the 5yo is typical. My younger son LOVES his big brother. He says they are best friends and he misses him when they are apart from each other. He hasnt quite realized that his brother is different yet so that may change as he gets older. From the time he was born I have always tried to nurture their relationship together. They have typical sibling arguments but for the most part their relationship is very loving. my younger son has even been known to try and calm the older one down when hes having a meltdown. he will go up to him, rub his back and calmly say “deep breath”. :)

  35. brynn
    January 26, 2011 at 12:51 pm

    Its hasn’t changed anything at my house my boys still act like boys they fight sometimes get along and act normal towards each other only 1 of my kids is autistic

  36. millie
    January 26, 2011 at 12:52 pm

    My son is 26 years old and although he’s never been diagnosed as having Autism I’m sure that if he was born at a different time he might have been. Getting back to the subject he has to younger siblings and for my oldest it taught him to defend his statements and actions. he also learned from his brothers. As for my two younger ones they learned how to appreciate people that are different, and have a respect for the handicapped.

  37. harry
    January 26, 2011 at 12:58 pm

    I have an eleven year old ” typical ” son, and a five year old autistic son. Altho the older one is usually good with his younger brother, he often takes the brunt of the tantrums/meltdowns from his younger brother. And after hours of frustration at the younger one’s behavior, the older one gets yelled at for things at are not really his fault from everyone else in the family. It’s really not fair, and I hope he understands that this is a difficult situation for everyone.

    • Stacy
      January 26, 2011 at 2:37 pm

      Same here. We have to tell my oldest that we all have to play as a team to get through this.

  38. January 26, 2011 at 1:03 pm

    i have 4 kids the 2.5yr old twin girls have Autism! Their two older brothers are only 8 and 5 so not to aware what it means to have ASD -they know to be gentle with the smaller twin since she is half the size of her sister and half the weight, they know we have a lot of feeding issues with both of them and tons of appts and private therapy, I know in the next year or so i will have to sit them down to discuss what it really means to be Autistic and how it has impact on the family.

  39. Sarah Rainey
    January 26, 2011 at 1:17 pm

    My daughter is 14 and my son 16. The relationship between them is not good. Constant fighting. The main reason is because the 14 year old has an active social life, and does really well in school. My son is so jealous of her, because of her successes. When she spends the night at her friend, or goes out with them, he then wants to do something, which usually means ME having to do something with him. Then, of course my daughter is jealous of time I spend with her brother. It just seems like a no win situation.

  40. January 26, 2011 at 1:34 pm

    I have two year old fraternal twins, one on the spectrum and one NT. At this point, we are just getting started on our journey, but I do already see some complicated relationship dynamics between them. My NT son has started saying things like “Come on Ty!” as he grabs Ty’s arm and pulls him along into situations where Ty is hesitant. I know that being twins is the best thing that could have happened to both of them. They have so much to teach each other. I wrote a letter to my NT son (Max) relating to this topic, if anyone is interested…


  41. original
    January 26, 2011 at 1:35 pm

    This topic is very interesting. Personally one of my best friends OLDER brother had autism but, was much larger than my friend. Because emotionally, P’s tendencies were more indicative that he was the YOUNGER sibling T’s role was reversed in many ways.
    T many times over had the responsibility of “mini-mom” so that she was not as able to be a “child” herself. The ENTIRE family was a very supportive one but, the type of wonderful individual that T was, she took a lot upon herself to lighten the other responsibilities throughout the household. She had to grow up in many way much faster than those of ‘us’ that were around her. It felt good to be able to step in for T when visiting. I’ll always wonder if that was of any help.

  42. January 26, 2011 at 1:46 pm

    My two older boys (7 and 6) are both on the spectrum with their own unique ‘stuff.’ As my dear friend says, “you know, you meet one autistic child and you’ve met one autistic child.” That said, my older son (PDD NOS) has to have everything perfectly in its place and is very bossy and managerial. My younger son—who has been diagnosed with Aspergers—is much more of a ‘follower’ and is passive and compliant with his brother most of the time. It’s only when his particular ‘plan’ and focus are interrupted that we run into more serious sibling issues. This happens most often when our daughter (2) who only has SPD does what 2 year olds do…gets into everything and wants everything. At this age, with their particular processing issues, this creates a lot of friction, fighting, yelling and crying :( Does it get any easier?

  43. Stacy
    January 26, 2011 at 2:33 pm

    I have 2 boys 14 and 10 years old. My 10 year old has Aspergers. My 14 year old has a love/hate relationship. He tolerates a lot and is frustrated that is not able to have normal brother at times. The age differences are starting to show the 10 year old doesn’t understand why he is not able to do what my 14 year old can do. But when times arise big brother is right there to defend and protect his little brother.

  44. Linda Rice
    January 26, 2011 at 2:36 pm

    I have a 4 year old with autism – Evan, and a typical 2 year old – Lily. I already see the 2 year old taking the role of the older sibling. When I ask the kids to get their shoes, Lily will often get Evan’s. It’s sweet, but I feel sad sometimes when I see Lily surpassing Evan’s milestones. I also worry, because Evan is very impulsive and gets violent with LIly. I know this is normal to a point with siblings, but I worry Lily is getting it worse than other kids.

  45. Amy McD
    January 26, 2011 at 2:50 pm

    My sister is disabled & I grew up having to learn to deal with sibling these issues. I understand the feeling of embarrassment, shame, anger, resentment, confusion & jealousy. It can be a very isolating situation to grow up in. There is also the future responsibility always hovering in the air. I take care of many things for my grown sister (50) now. My son knows that one day he might very well be in the same position with his little brother. It’s scary.

    I know we see a lot of this from both our sons. M.K is 17 & neuro-typical. A.H. is 12 & was diagnosed with Aspergers/PDD/NOS at age 4.5.

    There has always been a sense of embarrassment & resentment from our eldest, but A.H. actually experiences jealousy & resentment whenever we spend time with or praise M.T.

    They both understand that AH has Aspergers & have been informed of the differences, sensory issues, etc…. but they still can’t overcome the feelings of resentment.

    It’s gotten a little better with age & understanding of Aspergers. I’m hoping it continues to.

    If the rest of society was more informed & understanding about Autism & equipped to create a more inclusive place for people on the spectrum & their families truly integrate, we might not have as much to write in a blog like this.

  46. Jen DeBlase
    January 26, 2011 at 2:51 pm

    I grew up with a brother with Aspergers. We are three years apart in age. Childhood was like any other, we had a lot of sibling rivalry, but we also got along great. I saw him as my brother and nothing else. I knew he was different as I got older, but that didn’t change anything. High school is rough on any kid and I remember thinking how much more difficult it would be for him. We were 4 years apart in school, because he switched schools. Honestly, that was probably best since I would have done anything to defend him if I saw anyone mistreat him. I remember praying every night that he would “be normal” just so he wouldn’t have to go through that. It wasn’t until I got older that I realized there is no “normal” and he taught me that. Everything is based off of stereotypes and what is or is not normal. It’s important to treat everyone for who they are, regardless of their special needs or unique personalities. My brother is 27 now. He lives with my parents and holds a part-time job. I know he’s unique and needs help at times, but he’s my brother and I treat him as a brother, not as someone who’s different.

  47. karen
    January 26, 2011 at 2:54 pm

    I have 3 kids – 21, 17, 16. The oldest and youngest are boys and both have Asperger’s Syndrome. My neurotypical daughter is the middle child. She is often frustrated by their social ignorance (such as hygiene, choice of clothes, ranting on their special topics, etc.) and often gets in arguments with them. On the flip side, she will also give them tips (especially the younger one) on how to dress appropriately and will consult with the oldest one, who is a history whiz, about questions she has on her AP Euro History class. The key element though in the boys getting along with their sister was and is the social skills class they have had at their public high school.

  48. Caroline
    January 26, 2011 at 3:13 pm

    My older son is a high functioning asperger with low IQ. His younger brother (by 2 years) is usually very supportive but at times can be resentful since homework assigned is harder on him. I am very proud of both of them because they are best friends and usually love to be together. The most awesome feeling I had was when my younger son chose to give up two long standing friendships because one of the kids made fun of my other son. My younger son told me that he was very angry that a friend made fun of his brother and chose to no longer associate with those kids.

    • Nicole
      January 27, 2011 at 10:02 am

      Good for him! This sounds exactly like me. My older brother (by 4 years) is my best friend. If anyone ever makes fun of him or anyone else with a disability, I’m always there to stick up for them.

  49. Sue
    January 26, 2011 at 3:23 pm

    I have a daughter 28 on the spectrum,a son 24 a typical,and a son 10 who is PDD-NOS.My three children are so close because of the struggles we have all shared.We all know no matter what, family gots your back.The 24 year old has been so inspirational on how he supports his older sister.Which then we are all rewarded with how they both help their little brother.This is just our family and I think we are all special.

  50. Rebel Babii
    January 26, 2011 at 5:04 pm

    Having an autisic sister is very difficult. the relationship is very stressed. when she was first born and after she was first diagnosed with PDD-NOS my relationship with my mom was very stressed. I hated my sister. I’m understanding more now that she’s 10, but she still annoys me and i’m not as close to her as i am to my baby sister whose 8. as a 22 year old i understand that she needs more attention, has more needs than me and my baby sister do, but its difficult. the relationship is different. hard. and confusing. yeah its easier to grow up with an autistic child, but when one’s thrown into your family after being an only child for 12.5 years its difficult to get used to. the relationship will probably never be close. but its getting better. nothings gonna change the fact that shes still my sister, i just don’t understand her. and i thank god that its my mom that has to deal with her and not me.

  51. Michelle
    January 26, 2011 at 5:45 pm

    I have a 14 yr-old boy on the spectrum. It’s very hard for all of us, including his 10 yr-old sister. Recently, she wispered to me, ” Why does___act like a sp ed kid?

  52. ziggy
    January 26, 2011 at 6:17 pm

    I have a older brother with a mild case of autism. Even with a mild case it is torubling to live a normal life. He used to be teased a lot and I felt that protective urge to help him. He may have autism but he is a gift to my family, friends and to the whole world.

    • Nicole
      January 27, 2011 at 10:11 am

      I couldn’t have said it better myself! This is exactly how I feel when it comes to my brother. They are all such a blessing!

  53. Kay
    January 26, 2011 at 6:34 pm

    I Have a Younger Brother Who has Autism. He’s Impacted my Life so Much,
    Yes, At First it was hard. I didn’t understand and Kids Asked why My Brother was so weird. I’d want to hide when He’d make noises in front of my kids or when I had to take him places. Sometimes I Just wanted him gone! But one day He came to me and just said “I Love You Sister.” And I knew Of Course I loved him back. Now That I’m older and He’s 14 I keep Of All the Wonderful Things He’s Taught me close at heart. He loves Dinosaurs, so when We take the dogs for a walk He shouts toward the trees and goes “RAWR!!” Not Only will I laugh, but I’ll join him. He taught me not to be afraid, but he doesn’t fear anything, but He also taught me Patience and Kindness, because even like normal siblings We get angry with one other. Cruncher, (My Nick Name for Him) Is Bigger than me now, so he won’t let anyone hurt me. I feel protected even when I’m the one in charge of him.
    Through my Brother I’ve learned to accept people from all backgrounds and to see things in another light. I Love him SOOO Much!!! God Truly has Blessed me

  54. Donna McCombs
    January 26, 2011 at 7:09 pm

    I have a 14 year old daughter who at first had a really hard time adjusting at first, to the differences they we saw in her sister. As she has matured she has grown more accustomed to her sister’s differences and is a lot more sensitive to her needs. Kaylyn, my oldest, is a very soft hearted girl and is drawn to children with special need. I know that she gets frustrated with Emily’ s actions at times, but she keeps her self in check and very seldom loses her temper. I think having a sibling on they Autism Spectrum has really been an unexpected blessing for her.

  55. Megan
    January 26, 2011 at 7:27 pm

    My sons are 3 1/2 years apart, my 8 yr old has Asperger Syndrome, and my 4 yr old is just a holy terror! They have a very special relationship, and a very strong bond. In some ways, they are developmentally equal, in some ways the 8 yr old is almost adult-like with his brother. I’m fiercely proud to say they actually take care of each other. I try so hard to try to be equal with them, although obviously the autism requires so much more attention. I worry all the time what effect the autism may have on my younger son. He “copies” his older brother just like any kid. There is the fear and anxiety of a child living with someone whose moods are unpredictable. At 4, it probably doesn’t matter who or why, just that it happens. I would love a local support group for siblings of kids on the spectrum!

  56. Narelle
    January 26, 2011 at 9:25 pm

    I have 2 boys – my eldest with high-functioning autism. If anything, I see a form of role-reversal between the boys, the youngest looks out for the eldest all the time. Would I ask for anything different? Yes and no. Individually for my son with ASD, I would love for him to be able to overcome his social awkwardness. But as brothers? No – I love how they have developed together. They are both very protective of each other and love each other dearly. They share most interests, they are both very funny boys and in terms of acceptance, patience and unconditional love, they could never have been taught a better foundation in life. My boys have been taught that family comes first every time, and they live that every day. ASD or not, I couldn’t ask for better.

  57. Deb
    January 27, 2011 at 1:09 pm

    I have 7 year old twins – my son is on the spectrum, my daughter is “typical”. It is extremely difficult for her to have a relationship with her brother; and extremely difficult for him also. He is at the stage where she is embarrassed by him, acts like she doesn’t see him in school and doesn’t even want him sitting with her on the bus. At home, they usually get along fairly well (as well as can be expected of 7 y/o twins), but it’s out in public that she has very low tolerance for him. Although I can’t imagine what it must be like for her, it’s hard to try to teach her to be compassionate towards him because “that’s how he’s always been and it’s embarrassing”. Hopefully age and experience will help…

  58. January 27, 2011 at 9:00 pm

    I have 3 boys aged 28, 15 and 14. My youngest has High Functioning Autism. It has been really hard getting people to recognize there is a problem. Even the teachers at primary school did not understand. We are still trying to live each day with this problem. As a baby we knew there was something not right but he was not diagnosed with ASD until he was 7. As a toddler his big brother would talk for him. As they are only 13 months apart,at the time we thought it was cute. As he is now a teenager, we are learning different set of boundaries. His 15 y/o brother has alot of trouble trying to communicate with him. He has alot of anger in him and is very difficult to to communicate with. He does have a great relationship with his 28y/o brother. We can only keep perservering with it as we have never had any help/assistance with him at all.

  59. Tracey Gouraud
    January 31, 2011 at 1:13 am

    My eldest son has Asperger’s and wasn’t diagnosed till the end of the 5th grade.
    He is now 17 almost 18 and will be attending college 4 hours away. His younger brother is now old enough to want to learn more about Asperger’s so he can relate better with his brother. He’s using Asperger’s as his topic for his Independent Study for his accelerated Language Arts class. He’s having a hard time finding enough sources for Asperger’s. They are both wonderful kids in their own way and I worry what college will do to them both and also want to help my younger son get the info he needs for his study.

  60. January 31, 2011 at 1:01 pm

    For the past two years, my daughter has become more and more jealous of her brother and the autism work that we are involved in. She cries and frets about her brother getting special attention because he has autism. It has gotten to the point where we can not even mention autism in our home without her making a face and saying, “It’s always about autism MOM!”.

    At first I thought it was just her being a little girl and eight year old hormones. But I am not sure anymore. Jason and I are involved heavily in the autism community and the Walk Now for Autism Speaks, but we always balance that out with piano lessons and Girl Scout events. We try so hard not to make her feel less or less cared for. Sometimes I think we over compensate (new puppy). I really believe that we have done a good job about giving everyone equal attention and opportunities. But still she feels this way. Is it just perception or is there something that I am not seeing?

    She is a great sister to her brothers. And when she is in her “right” mind she cares deeply about kids with autism and her brother. But when she is upset or sensitive she lashes out at Zion and tells him that autism is bad. Which then makes Zion come to me and ask questions about his autism. He asked me yesterday if he had a brain. (tear)

    She usually doesn’t complain about objects or things he gets, she actually complains about me feeling more for him. Not loving him more or caring about him more, but that I cry for him and for other kids with autism more and she wants me to cry for her. I wish it was something I could change easily, but since I seem to overflow with tears when one of “our” kids in the community accomplishes some little or great goal, I don’t think this is going to change. I am actually happy I don’t have to cry over Hannah in this way. She is amazing. She can accomplish anything she sets her mind to with little or no trouble.

    She will be attending a sibling support group soon and I also may get her some individual therapy. She also will be leaving for Camp Barnabas this week. I am praying that she makes friends with other girls that have brothers who have autism. I pray that she expresses her feelings to them and maybe they can understand her on a level I can’t. I only know what it is like to be a mom of a child with autism. The worry, the fear, the hope, the triumph….but I feel that with all my kids.

    Her words everyday,”I wish Zion didn’t have autism.” That is my wish too, but life has already dealt those cards for us. My wish is that all my kids feel equally loved and cherished, and I seem to failing at it. I guess we just need to work harder.

    This is taken from our blog on Zionstribe.com

  61. Danna
    March 10, 2011 at 1:27 pm

    I have three children 18 yearold girl 5 yearold boy and a 4 yearold son who has Autism.My girl has so my question and i see it in her face when we talk like where does Autism come from and if i have a child we he or she have it also.NOW that hurts my heart i want her to be happy and have children BUT really i dont have the truth to give her only what we no today about Autism.My 5 yearold WELL somedays are good and most are bad,fighting and he always saids hes mean or i dont like him.I love all my children and do my best with them all.But i can say in my house my other children have it a little harder.

  62. Danna
    March 10, 2011 at 1:46 pm

    So what do you say to your 18yearold daughter who has questions like,if i have children will they have Autism to?i she sees the hurt in me and i think deep down she is so worried about it and i told her that she had the best mom,teacher and babysitter she could ever have not to worrie so much.Mother of Two children with Autism(4 and 5 yearold boys )

  63. Loreen
    March 10, 2011 at 3:25 pm

    My brother has severe autism,40 years old with the mental capacity of a 6 year old,and I have higher functioning autism and have the mental capacity of 15 year old.I am 4 years younger but since I am so much higher functioning, I feel like the OLDER sibling. I tell him what to do and dole out advice to him about so many things.People think I am bossing him around but I realize that is normal for siblings.I do love my brother and just want what is best for him.

  64. Michelle
    April 10, 2011 at 10:17 am

    It has been very difficult for all of us, including my son’s typically developing younger sib. When her older brother, on the spectrum, jumps up and down, stimming, turn off the lights because it is too bright, cover his ears because the sound is too loud, etc….

  65. Dani
    July 21, 2011 at 3:08 pm

    I am a 17 year old female (“typical”) and have a 19-year-old brother with PDD and an 11-year-old brother with Asbergers. Brad (the older one) and I started out as best friends growing up, but the unbalanced attention of my parents, on top of Brad’s frequent absences (dropping out of school, going to residential treatment programs, hospitals, etc) caused me to grow to resent him, and lose an appreciation of him as a person. My parents did a terrible job explaining to me the facts of the situation. I grew up feeling underappreciated, worthless, unimportant.. even though I consistently got straight A’s in school and performed well in all activities.

    Today, I struggle with a severe eating disorder, as well as depression and anxiety. I have a fierce resentment for both my brothers. The youngest is mirroring the older one in so many ways and it makes me sick to watch. I know my relationship with my family is ruined forever.

  66. Kay
    October 18, 2011 at 2:22 am

    I am 19 years old and the oldest of 6 (the others being 18, 6,3,2 and 4 months). My 2 year old brother had an appointment today and the doctors told us that there is a high possibility that Tyler is autistic. He is supposed to go back in a couple of weeks so they can assess the severity. What should I expect? What can I do to make this time less stressful for my parents? I know that, no matter the result, I will love and care for my siblings as I am used to doing, but I would like to go into this with a little insight so that I know what to expect and can be as helpful to my parents as possible.

  67. Dave
    October 24, 2011 at 9:21 am


    I am a 29 year old with two older brothers who are 32 and 35. The eldest, we have come to accept either has Aspergers Syndrome or is a high functioning Autistic. The reason that I cannot clarify is because we as a family have never had him diagnosed (more on that later) but he does present a great number of the symptoms, namely he didn’t talk until he was 5, he is very socially awkward, has acute hearing, and his general behaviour does lead us to this assumption etc.

    The reason he has never been diagnosed was due to my father not wanting him to feel like he was different, and I believe that he thought that if this were to happen, he would never get the chance to be normal, I guess the thing to remember is that when I was young there wasn’t the wealth of information available about this, as there is now.

    He was bullied a lot going through school, and sometimes lashed out with aggressive behaviour which caused him to be suspended several times, and on the verge of expulsion more than once. This lead to my father becoming very over protective of him, and allowing him to believe that he was not to blame, in this case my father was right, he was not to blame, it was more to do with the lack of education of his peers when it came to his condition.

    My other brother and I have never had the strongest relationship with our eldest brother. He has always carried a very negative attitude toward us, and I admit that we have been antagonistic (as most brothers are) over the years. At this stage my brother lives with my parents and works as a courier. He has grown entirely resentful of my other brother and I, to the point where he refuses to engage either one of us, and will usually scream f**k you, f**k you, f**k you and in some cases physically attack us if we visit our parents at their home, or if we encounter him in other circumstances. When an altercation happens my father will step in and usually rebuff one or both of us, saying we should know better, I feel that this vindicates his aggressive attitude towards us.

    I absolutely feel my fathers heart was in the right place in his upbringing of my eldest brother, but now we are in a place where I have next to no relationship with my eldest brother, he works at a job (which I got him), but as he doesn’t manage his personal appearance etc, I feel it will be a matter of time before he loses it and will struggle to get another one, my father is now 69 and while he is in very good health, reality hits that he won’t be around to ‘protect’ my brother forever, my brother and I are both in serious relationships and I am a bit scared as to what to do when inevitably my father is unable to care for him in the same way. I feel this resentment of my other brother and I will make any sort of relationship untenable, and I believe he needs some help managing certain aspects of life, i.e. finding a place to live, paying rent, keeping his job etc, which I am willing to help him with, however, my greatest fear is that his life could implode should something happen to my father, and his only expectation is that one of us will fill the void of ‘protector’, which will be difficult if we have families of our own.

    I don’t know what to do about this situation, my parents and eldest brother are in a groove where they just live with it, without making any real proactive steps to get him living in his own place or to manage his life, my middle brother wants nothing to do with him as he is done with all the stress of dealing with his aggression toward him. I feel my parents are bullied by him a lot.

    I have read so many of the positive stories from above about how well people, like my brother, can function, but now as he is 35 it will be almost impossible to get him diagnosed at his own free will. I really don’t know what to do, I don’t want him to end up on the street, and I don’t want him to not be part of my life, but I don’t know what steps I can make to create positivity in this situation, where I can help manage him.

    I am sorry to be so negative about this situation, however, it is 12.19 am and I am lying awake thinking about this, has anyone has this situation with a much older sibling like I have, I really just want to do right by my eldest brother, plus my father.

    • june francis
      October 24, 2011 at 10:05 am

      Dave, you are a wonder person to care so deeply for your brother. Are there any support services in your area who could supervise your brother. Maybe you could start somewhere and see where it leads you. God bless you.

      mom -85 and Paul 59, now in a group home.

  68. aly
    December 31, 2011 at 8:43 pm

    I’m 16 years old and has a severe 12 year old brother.I wish he wasn’t autistic our lives would be so much easier. My mom is now so stressed and depressed not getting enough sleep because she sleeps in the living room and let my brother sleep in her room(my parents are separated) and when he wakes up he will run around in the middle of the night and turn on every light and he cant talk.and i have to take care of him because my parents are too busy sleeping.My 18 year old sister has no relationship with him or even bond with him so they leave everything up to me.I wish he was normal but sometimes I hate to say but sometimes i’m glad he has autism because hes always so happy and always wants me to play with him and is just always so happy and i don’t think a 12 year old boy would be interested in playing with his big sister.But then theirs moments that annoy me the most is whenever we have food over from a restaurant he will fight to the death for our hamburger or ice cream or barge in our room and mess everything up or take baths with water all over the floor or doing number 2 and not flushing the toilet and not wipe himself. I love my brother very much but sometimes i just wanna let my anger out but i cant, i have to keep it in.

  69. John Benedict Alcantara
    January 6, 2012 at 8:00 pm

    It affected me a lot. I am 22 and have hyper-functional autism. My brother is six years older and most of the times we fought even with small things that made me angry easily. For example like this morning at my mother’s work, I easily got angry at the computer wires being tangled. I suspect it is either my older bro or either any employees have been messing with them. Not only that after it happened, my older bro didn’t give me a specific reason why I must be at my mother’s work. None of them including my mother mentioning the photographer coming to her Montessori school campus yesterday, so I would have remove the computer wires and arrange them for the photographer to take school pictures of the children.

    My older brother thinks he is the boss as he does not have the power to manage a school, my mother does and she has the right to do so. We just quarrel, and by quarrel, it’s almost a street fight. He tried to force me to be in his car by grabbing my arm, starts to choke me and tries to rip my new T-shirt I bought. I had no choice, but to defend myself. Afterwards, I walk away from him and curses.

    I just think my older brother is an embarrassment. He claimed that I was loud inside a school building. I was talking to my father on a cell phone to talk about my job to troubleshoot the computers. It’s always been my job, nobody else and I will keep them forbidden to unplug any computer components in the kids’ computer room. I have to stay sharp on this one by the next time they ask me to come to work at my mother’s Montessori school campus. When I tell them “do not unplug the computer wires”, don’t. I’ll be the one to do so and they must give a specific reason whether there’s a client, a photographer or an associate coming to the computer room.

  70. Ang
    January 23, 2012 at 6:44 am

    I have a younger brother with autism, which has been constantly frustrating for my mum as he’s 17 and only just diagnosed, and from a lack of trying to have him diagnosed but because of his stupid doctor. As the older sibling I just can get so frustrated being near him for too long. If I’ve had a break it’ll be actually annoying things such as him being unable to make a decision when in a hurry, or when he can’t take care of himself for simple things like cooking cup noodles, or his constant temper tantrums, or the wetting, it smells so bad and he’ll lie about it. Some have said he doesn’t know if his wet but then actually tries to hide it so he obviously knows or he’ll admit he lied. then after a couple of weeks of being around him it’ll be anything and every thing about him, every thing he does that’ll just tick me off for some reason. that’s when I can tell I need a break from him. But then of course is our little sister who I believe has suffered the worst. through both primary school and secondary college she followed him into the school and only be a year behind. In other words her brother has set himself a name for his autistic characteristics and the kids would bully our sister mercies ally for it. just last year it got so bad she had a chair thrown on her back that has now possibly dislocated it and had books and crap thrown at her. We both love our brother dearly and I can’t speak for my sister but I know that just being him sitting around the house doing nothing or just sitting there can make me want to kill him and it has always been this way and probably always be this way. Right now I am sitting across the table as I type (his absorbed in his computer) I just want to scream at him and hit and yet cry at the same time as he is my brother and should be my friend.

  1. January 25, 2011 at 12:13 am

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